I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
