My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
