he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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