There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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