my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
