I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
