I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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