oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
