Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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