I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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