So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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