I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize