i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
