He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
