Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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