i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize