I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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