I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
