Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
