I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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