So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
