so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
