i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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