you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
