First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
