why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
