i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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