wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Rumble strips road head = magical
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
