my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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