also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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