Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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