He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I wish you could order shots online.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
