Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
