I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
