The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize