Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
