I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
