if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
we're so committed to being not committed
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
