he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
