i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize