i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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