I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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