How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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