Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
