Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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