He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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