The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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