so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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