I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
