I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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