You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
