It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
