If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
