i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
When are your genitals available?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
