i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize