Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
