btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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