the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
