Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
