i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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