I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
