you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
