get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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