In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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