apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize