Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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