Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
