she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
